@ my fellow adults who use tumblr a lot:
can you PLEASE put your age in your about/sidebar and make sure it’s accessible on mobile. imo if you’re an adult esp 20+ it’s a little weird that you wouldn’t have your age readily available on your blog. if you’re reading this now and you don’t have your age listed, please rectify that. i feel like teenagers get lured into talking to adults in fandom/lgbt spaces that they may not have intentionally sought out because they think they’re talking to other teenagers, and this can lead to a lot of other – much more insidious –problems
I know other people have already refuted this, but seeing the original message still going around I’d like to point out just a couple of reasons why this request - while well intentioned - misses a lot of key points:
1. This is working under the assumption that tumblr is a space solely (or at least primarily) for teenagers/kids and that simply isn’t the case. Historically the creation of fanfiction, fanvids, fanart, etc. has been done by people in their twenties and older. Think about how many years it takes to learn how to craft a good story. Think about what you need to pull something like a con together. That person with the Skill you admire? There’s a very good chance they’re an adult. It used to be that kids pretended to be 18+ because they knew online fan communities were adult spaces. I’m not sure when this switch happened, but it needs to stop.
2. It is not “a little weird” that people don’t put their age on their blog. I have mine because I’m comfortable sharing it and my fan identity/irl identity are already really conflated, but a lot of people - most people - want to keep personal information to themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that and insisting that we reveal that information is all kinds of wrong. Can you ask someone their age? Certainly! Maybe they’ll tell you, maybe they won’t, but regardless you are not entitled to that information.
3. The children on here? They are not my responsibility. If kids/teens are worried about who they’re talking to then they should either a) be careful about who they interact with or b) not use this website. If they’re too young to understand this then they’re too young to be online without parental supervision. Now, how can a teen be careful about who they interact with? Check the person’s blog. See the kind of content they post. See if there are any hints about their age (mentions of school, job, birthdays, etc.) - or again, just ask! I’ve had plenty of people on here decide they only want certain types of interaction with me after discovering my age and that’s fine. But it’s not my job to monitor everyone else’s internet use.
4. Finally, I find the language here to be rather concerning. “A little weird,” teenagers are “lured,” leading to things that are “much more insidious”… all of this, whether intentionally or not, frames anyone 20+ as intrinsically predatory. It also takes agency away from anyone under 18. Teenagers aren’t “lured” into talking to me, they make that decision on their own. They are their own person capable of making their own decisions, gathering information before making that decision (like asking someone’s age) or, if they can’t do these two steps then again, they should not be online. We’ve come right back to point #1: this is not your space. It’s our space. I’m not some trespasser here who only gets to stay provided that I cater to those younger than me. If anything, based on how much of online content is geared towards adults, kids should be working under the assumption that they are speaking to an adult until proven otherwise, especially on websites like tumblr that cater to all ages. Don’t assume you’re talking to another teenager. Don’t project onto a person and then get mad when you find out you’re wrong. That’s not them tricking you, that’s you failing to take responsibility for yourself.
You want to know someone’s age? Ask, and then work with the answer you’re given. But someone failing to give you private information up front isn’t weird or predatory or insidious. The quicker everyone realizes that the better off we’ll all be.
@ teens:
I get it. You’re used to your peer groups being divided by age range. You’ve experienced it all through school. But once you hit adulthood, age differences becomes less and less relevant in social groups. You’ll find yourself forming friendships based on shared interests or shared life experiences (e.g. parenthood) rather than age. This is probably why most of the people I know over the age of 25 don’t bother putting their age on their blogs. It doesn’t feel relevant. It has no bearing on our beliefs, interests, or fandom involvement. It’s not how we define ourselves, especially since those numbers have a disconcerting habit of changing every year.
You say it’s “a little weird” that we don’t list our ages on our blogs, but it’s actually completely natural. Frankly, it’s a little weird that you expect us to.
I’m kind of confused here - why is teens talking to adults a bad thing? Intergenerational friendships are great! Is this an American thing? Because when I was a teen pretty much all my friends were adults, some in their fifties. And I’m still immeasurably grateful they existed; because I wouldn’t have survived without them, social pariah that I was in my own age group! They doted on me and actually listened to all the shit I told them…it was great! And not a single one of them ever said or did anything inappropriate.
Yes, there are predators out there. But online the risk is relatively small if you follow a handful of rules like -
- don’t tell them where you live beyond country X, state Y (and maybe really big city Z)
- don’t meet them in real life (even if you trust them. Don’t. And if they are trustworthy, they won’t ask)
- don’t send them selfies (or nudes. oh hell don’t do that)
- if they say or do something that makes you uncomfortable - block them
- for goodness’ sake - don’t share so much personal info openly on the internet. If you tell everyone your full name and the school you attend on facebook, a predator doesn’t need to talk to you to find you
This idea that parents and immediate family are the only adults a kid should talk to is so incredibly damaging and isolating, especially to queer kids looking for guidance. Parents aren’t always best equipped to help them, and if you’re queer, the best source of comfort and information are other queer people, preferably those who have the life experience to actually be helpful.
Family structures grow regardless of blood, and friendships like these can be incredibly helpful for kids stuck in abusive households, and most adults will fall into a caretaker role when confronted with a kid. We’ll want to help because helping feels good! Same as you’d help a squirrel stuck in a fence.
No, adults talking to you about life and shit isn’t weird. No, not everyone you talk to wants to get in your pants. Yes, it’s okay to be cautious. It’s actually necessary to be cautious, and you are absolutely allowed (and encouraged) to set boundaries for yourself. But it’s a case by case thing, and asking all adults on the internet to self-police so you won’t have to interact with any content you’re uncomfortable with? That’s a bit entitled and unreasonable. You are in an adult space, the internet, by and large, is for adults, not for children. Please behave accordingly.
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